Cartman's Creek
by GlamazonGal
Summary: Yup you guessed by the title, South Park meets DC. It's kinda crazy. R & R
1. Dude they have water here!

Disclaimer: Oh yeah, course I own them! Doubtful.  
Summary: Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny hit Capeside, hard!  
  
Bad language and fight scenes included. I'm pretty sure that most people won't like this but hey, what can ya do? It's not meant to cause offence to anyone it's just a bit of fun. I guess when you read it you're gonna have to try and imagine Dawson and co. in animation form, or the Southpark kids in real life, whatever works best for you.  
  
"Here we are boys", Mrs. Cartman cooed as she pulled into the narrow driveway leading to her sister's house.   
"About time", her son snapped back.  
"Whoa, water", Stan exclaimed excitedly glancing across at the creek, "and it's not frozen!" he added, climbing out of the car.  
"Big deal, water, it's just a bunch of wet stuff", Cartman said sarcastically as he climbed out too.  
"Eric honey would you boys get our bags out of the trunk while I go inside and find your aunt".  
"Mom", he whined in retaliation.  
"Eric don't you dare show me up, what did I warn you boys? While we're here you're on your best behaviour", Mrs. Cartman replied sternly.  
"She looks pissed you guys, come on", Kyle whispered to Stan and Kenny before walking round to the back of the car.  
Mrs. Cartman walked up to the house and entered without knocking while the boys unloaded their luggage.  
"So Cartman, what's your cousin like?" Stan questioned.  
"Last time we were here he was still sleeping with an E.T. doll, he's a total fag", Cartman replied.  
"Man what a wussy", Kyle chimed in.  
"Yeah, I could totally kick his ass", Cartman said kicking the air.  
"You could not", Stan mocked, "he's like twice your age".  
"Nuh uh, I could kick his ass and I'll kick yours too", Cartman yelled.  
"You could not LARD MASTER!"  
"SCREW YOU HIPPIE!"   
Cartman swung the bag he was carrying straight at Stan, which sent him flying down the lawn and into the creek.  
Kyle and Kenny erupted in fits of laughter at the sight of Stan flailing wildly in the water.  
"How'd you like the water now?" Cartman called back over his shoulder as he marched triumphantly up to the house.  
"Dude that was sweet!" Kyle managed through his laughter.  
"You guys help me outta here!" Stan shrieked.  
  
Mean while   
  
"So what time do they arrive?" Jen asked quickening her pace to keep up with Dawson.  
"They're probably already here", he answered. "So we better hurry up and get back".  
"Do I really have to help you baby-sit these brats all day?" She whined.  
"Yes if I suffer you do too. Anyway, you volunteered".  
"Yeah but when you mentioned showing your cousin Eric and his friends round Capeside for the day I figured you know, maybe he was some cute jock who'd be lonely away from home. That thought was appealing".  
"Okay, so maybe I missed out a few details".  
"Yeah, like he's an eight year old brat who attends fat camp every summer".  
"Look, I'm sure it'll be fine. If not we're meeting Pacey later, we'll dump them on him. He handled that Buzz kid pretty well and he was a real menace".  
"I guess, besides, this kid IS related to you, so I don't quite see him being too wild", she said suddenly stopping as his house came into view. "But there are four of them".  
"Like I said any trouble and we'll offload them on Pace", he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "but they're just kids, how much trouble can they be?"  
  
Mrs. Cartman and the four children where now seated around the Leery's lounge.  
"Eric would you and your little friends like some fresh baked brownies?" Mrs. Leery asked sweetly, entering the room with a plate full. She placed them on the table in the centre of the room and Kenny, Kyle and Stan looked at them hesitantly.  
"Thank you aunt Gail", Cartman smiled innocently, "but these guys are allergic. Don't worry though I'll eat theirs for them". And with that he began shovelling then into his mouth before anyone had chance to protest.  
"Mom I'm home", Dawson called as he and Jen walked through the back door.  
"In here honey", she called back.  
By this time Cartman had finished eating the brownies.  
"Oh look at that face", his mum said reaching over, hankie at the ready to clean away the remaining crumbs and smears of chocolate, "Now hold still Eric, then you can go and play with your cousin Dawson".  
"Get offa me", he squealed batting her hands away. The second Dawson appeared in the doorway he jumped to his feet,  
"Dudes let's get out of here!" He said darting towards the door and motioning for the others to follow.  
"What the?!" Dawson exclaimed as they stampeded past him and out the front door.  
"We better go catch them", Jen said unenthusiastically.  
"Have fun!" Mrs. Leery called after them.  
"And good luck", Mrs. Cartman added once they where out of earshot.  
  
The boys stopped running when they reached the roadside.  
"Eric honey let's clean that face of yours", Kyle said in a mocking tone whilst rubbing Cartman's cheek.  
"Ah shut up!" Cartman snapped.  
"Dude you're a total mommy's boy", Stan laughed.  
"I am not", Cartman shouted.  
"You so are", Kyle teased. "Eric honey hold still while mommy wipes your poo poo hole".  
"You shut your mouth or I swear I'll. . ."  
"Kyle leave it or you might end up in the creek too", Stan said cutting him short.  
"Yeah right you wussy, just cause he kicked your ass".  
"Yeah and I'll kick yours too", Cartman said threateningly.  
"Mph rmph phrph", Kenny added.  
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman flew at Kenny knocking him to the floor. This stirred Kyle up and, while the on going fight distracted Stan, he punched him in the side of his head.  
"YOU ASS HOLE!" Stan shrieked punching him back.  
"What the?!" Jen gasped as she and Dawson walked up to them.  
"Hey, hey, stop it!" Dawson yelled frantically waving his arms in the air. They, of course, ignored him.  
Jen stooped over Cartman and Kenny as they rolled around on the floor exchanging blows. Unfortunately for her she was wearing a rather low cut top.  
"Pack it in!" She hollered causing Kenny to look up at her, he froze.  
"Mph rmph mph phrph mmph!"  
"What?!" Jen shrieked.   
Cartman followed Kenny's gaze.  
"Whoa check out the hooters on her!"  
Stan and Kyle stopped fighting now too.  
"Holy mama!" Escaped Kyle's lips.  
"You dirty little. . .!" Jen cried bolting upright.  
"Cool, my faggot cousin got him self a hottie!" Cartman cheered.  
"Excuse me?!" Dawson gasped, "You foul mouthed little. . ."  
"Dawson", Jen grabbed his arm to calm him down, "they're just kids remember, just kids".  
"You're right", he sighed. "They probably don't even know what the things they're saying mean".  
"With a body like that you should be a porn star", Eric smiled, his gaze fixed firmly on Jen's chest.  
"Yeah talk to Cartman's mum she'll tell you how to do it", Kyle joked.  
"YOU DIRTY MOTHER FU. . .", Cartman began chasing Kyle down the road.  
"Hmph mph", Kenny chimed.  
"Uh oh, did you say uh oh?" Dawson looked worried.  
"Ah relax", Stan said heading after the other two boys, "like that fat ass'll catch him".  
Kenny followed leaving Jen and Dawson watching after them completely dumbfounded.  
"You said they were from Colorado not the deep pits of hell", Jen said in all seriousness.  
"Back up plan", Dawson declared turning to face her, "Let's go find Pacey".  
  
Feedback would be highly appreciated. I mean, should I bother continuing this or not?   
  



	2. Visiting Pacey

"Would you just pick a channel and stick with it", Joey said irritably as she sat beside Pacey on the sofa.  
He ignored her completely and continued tapping at the remote control. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  
"Could you get that?" Pacey asked, his eyes not once leaving the TV.  
Joey sighed in frustration and slowly rose to her feet.  
"I'm gonna kill you mother fucker!" Cartman screamed as he slammed Stan against the front door of the small beach house.  
"I'd like to see you try fat ass" Stan yelled back wrapping his hands around Cartman's neck.  
"What's going on out there?" Pacey asked looking worried as the noise from outside drifted into the house. He stood and followed Joey to the door. She reached for the door handle and as she turned it the door flew open and Cartman and Stan fell to the floor at their feet.  
"Can't . . . . breath", Stan struggled to say between gasps as Cartman lay on top of him.  
"Get off him you fat ass you're gonna crush him", Kyle said storming into the house.  
"I'm not fat you scrawny weakling", Cartman shrieked pushing him self up to front Kyle.  
"Eric?!" Joey exclaimed recognising the young boy stood in front of her.  
"Who the hell are you?" He snapped back.  
"Joey, remember? Dawson's friend?"   
"Oh the white trash from down the creek. Geez you sure got hot since I last saw you".  
"Excuse me?" Joey said placing her hands on her hips.  
Pacey's gaze passed between the two, "Would some one like to tell me what the hell's going on here?" He asked sounding confussed.  
"Pacey, oh thank god nobody died yet", Dawson said sounding short of breath as he appeared in the doorway.  
"For the last time get your hands off my ass", Jen fumed through gritted teeth as she and Kenny followed him into the house.  
"Hey are you ok?" Joey asked as she crouched to help Stan up. She took hold of his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Are you hurt?"  
Stan took one look at Joey's face and in an instance, "BLEUK" he was sick all over her shoes.  
"Gross!" She said jumping back in disgust.  
"Uh oh Wendy won't be pleased", Kyle whispered to Kenny who nodded in agreement.  
Pacey stood idly by the confusion still clear on his face. "Hello, explanation?" He said waving his hand in front of Dawson's face.  
"Pace you remember my cousin Eric right?"  
"No".  
"Oh, well, this is him. And these are his buddies Kenny, Stan and Kyle" Dawson explained pointing to each boy in turn.  
"No dude my name's Cartman", Cartman said angrily, "And they're not my 'buddies'. That one's a Jew; he's a fag and Kenny's just plain old poor on account of his dad being a total alcoholic. So who the hell are you? Dicksuck's boyfriend?"   
"Dicksuck?" Joey, Dawson and Pacey all questioned at the same time.  
"Dicksuck, Dawson, whatever".  
"Okay then, well no I'm not his boyfriend, boyfriend where did that come from? Never mind, I'm Pacey and you already know Joey my GIRLFRIEND"   
"Oh, well I'll call you Stacey if you don't mind", Cartman said barging past him, "You got anything to eat around here? I'm starving".  
"Mmph mrh mprh mmr", Kenny mumbled and he and the other two boys followed Eric threw the house in search of the kitchen.  
"What did he just say?" Joey asked watching them leave.  
"God knows", Jen said exasperatedly, "But I get the feeling it's not a wise idea to let them wander off on their own". And with that she trudged into the kitchen.  
"That's related to you? How?!" Pacey said moving to sit back on the sofa. Joey followed and Dawson took a seat in the armchair on the opposite side of the room.  
"I really don't know" Dawson answered sinking into the chair, "I'm not even sure it's human".  
"Where'd he learn to talk like that? When I was that age I thought tooshie was a curse word".  
Joey stated.  
"Oh it gets worse", Dawson replied wincing at the raised voices and crashing sounds coming from the kitchen.  
"I think I better go help Jen", Joey said, a worried tone in her voice as she stood and left the room.  
"So Pace", Dawson forced the biggest smile he could as he turned to look at his friend, "any plans for the day?"  
"Uh uh, no way", Pacey responded by shaking his head violently.  
"Come on man you gotta help me, you're good with kids and besides that was you at his age who better to keep him in check", Dawson pleaded.  
"I'm good with kids Dawson, not miniature devil incarnates suffering from a bad case of potty mouth. And, I was bad but NEVER was I like that".  
"Please Pace I need you for this one".  
"Well what are you planning on doing with them?" He asked obviously ready to give in.  
"I figured we'd take them to get some ice cream, that should keep them occupied for a while. Then we rent some movies and sit them in front of the TV to veg for a couple of hours, hopefully it'll calm then down".  
"Yeah hopefully", Pacey sighed, "Ok, but if those little monsters get out of hand I'm bailing".  
"Ok, thanks".  
"I swear to god if those brats try to touch my breasts again I'm gonna rip their little hands off", Jen exploded as she charged in the room.  
"Okay so maybe they're a little like me", Pacey smirked.  
"By the way I think there's something wrong with that Stan kid he keeps puking", she said to Dawson as she sat on the arm of his chair. "Oh and err, one of you might wanna go help Joey get Kyle out of the oven".  
Both Pacey and Dawson looked at her bewildered and fearful.  
"Don't ask".  
  
  
  



End file.
